Looks hawt, but the font is killing it a bit, it throws off the mood of the picture a bit too much. It just sticks out way too much, try making it a bit more subtle, if you care.
It's supposed to stick out a lot, screens like this would come up between sections of the game to identify the next chapter of the game. The one after this screen was called "Mutagenic".
I can't even find any info on that game. I think what JK is putting more emphasis is how the image and text interact. There are other ways to put heavy emphasis on the text without killing focal points.. Say, for instance, you could give the text more of a shadowy tone and have it rest on the ground from a distant perspective. You could make it as obvious as you wanted and it'd still look fine. Halo2Freak did something similar to what I mean in his thread a few notches down, but I'm sure you can think of a way to make it fit your image better.